Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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