i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
