your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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