The maid of honor just puked.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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