I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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