You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
