After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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