mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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