I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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