Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
