3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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