Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
