Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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