but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
