What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
