saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
