At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
