dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
