Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
