The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
