I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
