I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
