how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
this hospital has no fireball
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
