she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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