I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
