i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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