When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
