I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
