i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just found a bag of teeth...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
