Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
