i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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