she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
