You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
