She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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