i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
