but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I cockslap morals
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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