tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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