Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
