My sheets look like a crime scene.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
