i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
