Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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