Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize