If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
