I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
