Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
