sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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