im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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