why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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