Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
