My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You were trust falling into bushes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
