the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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