That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
