i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
