Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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