just come out here and I will go home with you...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
