SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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