your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
