There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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