Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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