I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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