please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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