So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
