I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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