I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
