You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
