He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
