Whod you bang
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
