We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
