There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
