I faked an abortion last night.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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